how is everything Tumblr this is it you have to look

how is everything going get through the end of the week with this let me know how it goes

yo this is my new years resolution miss you

Sup Tumblr this is my new years resolution I miss you

Was almost 3 weeks straight from the white junk. So close to making it, would have been tomorrow and I would have made it. Ugh. But it’s so hard when you go somewhere new where they don’t know what’s going on… And bam, there is a line right there. I can’t say no, that’s a terrible position to be in. And I caved. I failed. I’m never gonna live this down. I have just been so stressed with Christmas, that I just wanted to escape, lately it have been transferred to drinking…. Which has proved to be very bad…. I mean, bad things happen. I got into a actual fist fight with a guy that was a foot taller than me, he punched and I went down, but I got a few in before that and I got him in the balls and with my heels lol. But still, no good!

So much for my last post, but I got to go, chillin, got to get involved I guess..

I feel so guilty…

hey you need this to get you through the holidays I miss you

hey there Tumblr the holidays are coming check this out bye

whats up here is what you need have fun Tumblr

This is probably going to be my last post. I have decided that my life is now too fucked up to be sharing on the Internet. I can’t see it getting any better, or my habits changing and there is only so many times I can admit that I have hit rock bottom.

So I had a miscarriage yesterday, probably caused by the massive amounts of coke I do cuz I’m pathetic.

My emotions are going insane and I just don’t see the point in trying to climb myself out of this hole.

I think back to my past before I moved to the city, and would love for it to be my present. But I know that will never happen and I have to let go of it. I have to face my bleak future now.

Oct 23rd 2011

(Quote by Rev Theory in Broken Bones)

Well, not even going to really acknowledge my last post, considering the state I was in, I didn’t make much sense. But hey, shit happens.

I was looking back on some of my posts and well, I think I am loosing my potential for words. I used to be so witty and fun. Now I’m just depressing and boring. No random words, no posts that are actually genuinely happy. I’m just a miserably boring person, with nothing intelligent to say, I don’t do anything with my life but work and smoke weed. How fucking cool have I turned. Obviously right at the top of the chain with coke whores. Oh wait… Does that also apply to me? Nah. I don’t consider myself like that, even though I do have plans to pick myself up some more pretty soon =P

Found myself a roof to put over my head I think. Well I hope, it is with Dale, and Dave will behooving in at the beginning of December. So even cheaper rent. The only thing that is going to suck is that I do enjoy my privacy, and that is something I won’t come by often. I miss in college when I could run around my house in my underwear…. Until Kevin ruined that for me with his lack of knocking before storming in LOL! Good times, wish I enjoyed them more while they lasted.

Work has been decent, almost been there for 3 months so a raise should be coming near the beginning of November, which will be nice for my moving situation. Still doing inventory which is gay balls, but counting makes the days go by fast :)

I need hobbies apparently. I don’t know what I want to do with my time anymore. The hobbies I used to have just got so pointless because it usually ended up with me making something then it cluttering my room. I already have way too much shit haha. I dunno what to do with my time, not like I have much of it. I usually get hone at around 6 and all I want to do then is be lazy. Lazy and stoned :)

The boyfriend took a job away from home 5 hours away. He is gone 10 days and home 4. Let’s just say this has been quiet the challenge for me. This is his first weekend home and we have barely seen each other. He ditched on our plans for dinner Friday. Didn’t try and contact me Saturday, even though I tried getting ahold of him. Then he calls me in the morning saying we will meet up around noon and didn’t come get me till 2. Kinda sucked, don’t know how this is considered a relationship when I get to see him 3 days out of a month. Sounds pretty stupid to me lol and when he ditches out on plans that we had to do coke. Kinda hurts the 1 feeling I have left. I kinda wish that emotions just didnt exist.

I am having difficulty sleeping lately. Been waking up a lot at random hours. Sometimes it’s from the weird dreams I have been having lately and sometimes it’s just random. I have some natural sleeping pills I take, but they aren’t working so great. My dreams are really weird though, like about my high school friends trying to help me get away from something. Havent quiet figured out what it is yet or the one from last night about me finding my kitty, Sasha, brutally massacred, it was terrifying. Finding limbs of hers. It makes me not want to go to sleep anymore. It seems pointless when it’s just screwing with me. But I have a feeling that I’m going to start going insane with insomnia. I don’t want to start seeing crazy things and looking like someone who has been on meth for 5 years.

Hah! That reminds me of when I saw Kayla’s boyfriend after I hadn’t seen him at grad and his words were “Holy shit, have you recently become addicted to crack!?” That kinda hurt lol Not as bad as my mom calling me anorexic and such. Oh well. Haha

Hope to write more soon! By then I may even be moved into my new place :)